Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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