Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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