After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
