..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
