Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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