Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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