Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
