I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
