Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
