I'm sorry my penis didn't work
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
