Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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