Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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