Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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