yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
All I want is dick and wine.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
