He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
