Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just googled if crying burns calories
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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