Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
