I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize