Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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