oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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