But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Randomize
