why do cheetos always look like penises
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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