I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
