my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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