Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize