I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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