one might say we're banned from that church
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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