When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
