here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i believe in u and ur pee
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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