so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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