Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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