before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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