I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
