I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize