dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
