U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
