hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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