That's when you crack a 10am beer
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
