this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
