he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
