so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
