There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
