Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
