the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
