Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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