I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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