I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize