Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
