im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
