Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
