rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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