I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
stop calling my apartment porn island.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
