the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
