He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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