I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
