that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize