There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
