So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
