We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
