Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
