I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
