You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
