I just made out with a guy for $7.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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