Soap is not a condiment
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
