i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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