Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
