True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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