I wanna bring you to show and tell
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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