Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
