they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
