I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
