I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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