She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
