Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
