Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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