i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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