will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
