He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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