Well apparently he's into motor boating.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm way too hungover for life right now
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
