i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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