I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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