We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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