I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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