who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
