Swine flu. Run for my life!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
